april 2005
How to get fired.
1. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an
intelligent debate about the direction of one of your
company's products. Forward the mail to a co -worker and
ask them to settle the disagreement.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your
voice.)
3. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't
begin until they're all present.
4. Come to work in your pajamas.
5. Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
6. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to
them only by these names. "That's a good
point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have
to disagree with you there, Chachi."
7. Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover
page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have
children, draw stick figures yourself.)
8. Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm. When everyone gets to
the meeting, tell them to go home.
9. Volunteer to organize the company Christmas party.
Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
10. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them
what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom."
11. No matter what anyone asks you, reply "OK"
while nodding.
12. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it
"IN."
13. Grow mold in your coffee cup.
14. Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes
into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your
headphones when he or she leaves.
15. When in conversation, no matter where you are in the
office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing"
and leave. Go get a coffee.
16. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too
many" and send a memo about it to your coworkers.
17. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
18. Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
19. Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of
your chair.
20. Talk into your daytimer.
21. Duct Tape Christmas lights around the top of your
cubicle.
22. Include a personal note on every e-mail you send.
"On a personal note,
I'm feeling a bit
tired and grumpy today." Or, "On a personal
note, I'm pleased to
announce that I got
my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
23. Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't
turn out quite right as special
treats for your
co-workers.
24. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
25. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and
Danny Partridge. Try to
pass them off as your
children.
26. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a
mask and snorkel in the company
fish tank.
27. Send blind e-mail messages announcing "Free
pizza and doughnuts in the
lunchroom!" When
people complain that there was none, just lean back,
pat your stomach, and
say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." Do
this
continually nobody
believes you anymore. Then order in pizzas and
doughnuts in the
lunchroom.
28. Secretly put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso. Watch the fireworks that
will
follow.
29. When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't
automatically assume that
the drinks are free.
Ask, and ask often.
30. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and
tell people you're waiting for
your document.
31. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them
to sign a waiver.
32. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them
if they want fries with
that.
www.ritilan.com
Ancient tales
 |
| The Hesperids
picking the forbidden Fruit for Hercules. A serpent is seen guarding the sacred tree in the Garden of Hera. |
| Can the Bible stories hold their own as
unique and divinely inspired texts when compared
to the wealth of those other ancient
Mythology tales? Could a comparison of the biblical tales to parallel Mediterranean myths provide us with a clue to the identity of the original authors? During our query, a number of additional questions were raised concerning the actions of the first patriarchs and founders of the biblical Religion:
|
