DECEMBER 2005

here comes christmas

by Jerry Vilhotti


    Twelve year old Johnny waited semi-patiently as he wondered if the family would remember that always on the Eve of Christmas was his birthday; ever since that late December morning he had come among them in a crash landing out of the body of a thirty-nine year old Mother who really didn't want another mouth to feed in the last years of the dying of hunger Great Depression days when the illumanazis were deciding the fate of the world as they would again in the new century; getting a second chance to shape a "New World Order" of self-hate, greed, power-mongering and indifference.
    Johnny would say nothing; concerned he would be taunted by his older brothers Leny One N and polio-legged Tommy Tom Tom who told him he didn't have a  birthday - that General Dugout Mac Arthur stopped all that nonsense when he had his men charge women, children and veterans of a war that was supposed to end all wars having been promised that if they went to die for their country they would get a pension.  Another dark day in the history of the greatest country ever invented fell upon the heads of those who believed a promise made should be a promise kept.
    Johnny's older sisters Tina and Alice always bemoaned the fact that "The Little Savior's", and Johnny's middle name did mean savior, birthday was always celebrated while theirs were virtually ignored.
    After another hour of pretending nothing special was going to happen - the cake came out carried by the Mother.
    The Father lit the candles as all the grownups mumbled the birthday song half-heartily and if it weren't for the children and his parents singing - the song would have died killed in a full incoherence.  Johnny blew out the candles; pretending not to see the name "Joanne" on the cake.
    When his brothers kept calling him Joanne "the little girlie man", Alice explained she must have taken the wrong cake from the bakery.  She repeated this mistake every year; except the name changed.
    The Father suggested they play cards to make the time go by faster: "We'll play Seven and a Half!" and the he told everyone how the game had given birth to Blackjack; then he asked Johnny: "Do you remember Black Jack, Johnny"  He was referring to the janitor of their old building in The East Bronx from whom he had bought two used tricycles for Johnny which had been left behind by former tenants.  These little acts of giving tormented Leny and Tom.  
    Johnny nodded.  At first he had been afraid of the old Black man but after his father invited the man to eat with them, Johnny realized he was just a human being like they.
    All five of the Grandchildren did nervous twitches of expectation.  The youngest among them, Clarence, belonged to Alice and Gus and the others to Tina and Al.
    Johnny had saved forty pennies.  He gave eight year old Larry ten and Larry's one year younger sister Clara another ten pennies.  He told them to bet only a penny on a card no matter how good their first card was so they could play longer.
    Tom wanted to throw the kids out of the game concerned they would cry after they lost their money and he might have to give it back.
    Leny reminded everyone - loudly using the F word - that was exactly what Tom would do when he was their age making everyone laugh; even the littlest ones laughed with the laughter.  
    Their father did not get offended over the swear word since when a curse was said in his third language, which had him pronouncing the word "fac", tended to minimize its effect in its true meaning.
    "Deal!  Deal!" Tina said.  Money was about as important to her as sex.  When a fourteen year old she would charge the old timers in the old neighborhood five cents a peek and a quarter for seeing the whole thing.
    After the Father left, Tom buying the deal from him, Tom continued raking in the pennies while winking at the children as Leny excited over their concerned expressions began to sing off key the "You Better Watch Out" song.  Little children aroused Leny.
    Tina reminded her kids that all their winnings belonged to her.  Al meekly nodded with widened eyes and this made everyone laugh in  tense way.
    A loud thumping sound coming from the cellar made the youngsters' eyes widen.
    "Is that Santa?" Al said winking at Gus who was trying to touch Tina's ass in his sneaky way.  Tina so much reminded him of Joan Crawford.  He was told by many people he looked like a poor man's David Niven.
    The youngest began running in a greater frenzy the louder the thumping of footsteps approached and the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" coming from behind the cellar door didn't sound quite like Macy's Santa and when the door burst open a large man wearing a black overcoat, black goulashes with his head covered with a brown paper bag with the appropriate holes in somewhat the proper places and a stuffed rag-sack over a shoulder.  This sight made the children run screaming to their mothers.
    "It's only Grandpa bringing gifts from Santa!" Johnny said wondering if his father really didn't belong to that lost tribe for always when the father became desperately lost driving into one of his famous short cuts that could last for hours and began hitting himself a few times in the head before shouting in desperation: "Where the facawee?"
    Only when the apparition took the bag off his head did the children laugh before going into a total disappointment in not seeing a for real Santa and began their helter skelter runs that knocked over the Christmas tree onto the manger shattering the pieces as if machine gunned by stealers of land while sounds of the father hitting himself in the head with both fists played in the background  - almost sounding like an American "Jingle Bells".  END  11-18-05  



The Dish: A great little US on-line magazine. politically very astute, with historical additions of value too, whose editor has a grandson; she always fondly reports incidents in his life which we all enjoy:

Comments from the Bat Cave

Like young people across the United States of America, the Dark Knight-Batman/White Ninja/Zorro looks forward to Christmas with great anticipation of what he maybe receiving.  He has a wish list.  Joyously, he shares it with members of his family.  Reminding him about the meaning of
this holiday, his grandma explained celebrating the birth of Christ is about giving.  When asked what he planned to give and to whom, he studied for a long moment.  Desperate, the Dark One/Ninja/Zorro responded, "I gave Ty (his
younger brother) a gift idea for his list."
Dot Smith thedish@ga.net