NOVEMBER 2005
The Littlest
Prisoner at Abu Ghraib
http://www.thestranger.com/images/extra/special/halloween04_10.jpg
Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood parade in
this costume recreating an indelible image from the Abu
Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal. Simply roll a cone from a
sheet of 24"x38" black cardstock, after cutting
out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black
felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring
project. Voilą! So easy, so quick, and so impressive!
Total cost: Under $20. Total time: Under two hours.
The traditional haunted house
Halloween decorations is a dark or black lit room. It can
be in a room of your house, in a basement or a garage.
Lead people through and ask them to touch various
"dead body parts". Be sure to tell them what
they are touching. All the "body parts" should
be cold and oiled. Several props and assistants dressed
in spooky costumes will help make your haunted house
successful.
SCREAMS: Nothing will do like the real thing. Get several
of your friends together and let loose.
weeweewee.halloween.birmingham.co.uk/usa
militaryinstructions
Halloween, already? Rim me out, you cunt!
Once upon a time at Halloween, you
would put on your mother’s underwear, an old opera
hat from the wardrobe and out you went as Lisa Minnelli.
It was a great time. You got to run with the poor kids
from the village, taking your chances among the perverts
and the old women who put razor blades in the apples.
Evil bitch-cunts.
And there was money to be made! Fr Brennan would give you
more if you sat in his lap, the filthy old cunt. You
could get a few bob for your sister’s knickers out
the laundry, (the pishier the better). And there was
“the spoils of war“, ie anything you could
swipe while the old dear was away searching for her
pension money. Served them right too, careless trusting
cunts.
Well, not any fucking more!
From today, the shops are full of shitey American
pumpkins, ready carved with flashing LED units installed,
wankey witches outfits that are total gash, and cheap
monkey nuts full of mould and worms. What a cunty
shithole we’re turning into.
The little cunts are brought to your door by beanfaced
parents in purring 4x4s. When you open the door they
shout “trick or treat” in nasally Californian
accents. This is fucking Perthshire you cuntspittals.
There’s no song or dance, no poem learned through
tears and the prompting of granny’s
stick,-there’s fuck all! Just their grasping little
mitts, and mummy in the background to make sure you
don’t feel them up. “Don’t flatter
yourself madam, your mewling brood are the pot-ugliest
cunts of the night so far, Fred West himself
wouldn’t touch them! I wish you good evening.”
But if you don’t give the cuntish little brats an
i-pod or gameboy, they put your fucking windows in.
Garn! Cunts!
Dr Locum.
# posted by Emerald Bile
................. mind your backs
