OCTOBER 2005
Diarmuid Braddell, 9yrs, Comment, on my landlord's wall
Silence, artist at work
Noreen
emeraldbile.blogspot.com
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I like art, really, I do. I am very bad at drawing but
I have a GCSE in Pottery and Fabric Craft. I got a C, so
I am no great shakes at those either. But it is a great
feeling, creating an artispiece, you feel like God. It's
not just about the painting or the sculpting of the art
though, which is a fine activity, There's a lot more to
art than just creation, there is the talking about what
it represents, which is great fun too, you can spout a
load of shite. In fact, the more shite you spout, the
better, and what is more, you could even tape yourself
talking shite and then play it near the thing you have
painted and then you have an installation.
It is a shame that a lot of artists are real cunts,
especially the ones on the telly. If these television
artists are the best of the bunch, and they are a bunch
of cunts, then heaven only knows how gruesome the ones
that aren't on the telly are. They must be really big,
prize arseholes.
If I were Charles Saatchi I would buy the artists
themselves, and make them just sit about. No art-making,
none of that, not even messing around with clothes and
making a pattern on the floor, or any type of artistic
behaviour, fuck that artsy fartsy bollocks. The point
would be that the artists would be there, hanging around,
just the potential but not being used. You would not film
them not doing their art, as it wouldn't be necessary.
Not doing their art, is still an expression of their art,
isn't it. If you are not saying "Yes, Noreen is
right!" then this will convince you: Think of those
painted cretins who stand still around the south bank or
covent garden in London! There are two courses of action
available to the passer by. You give the painted man or
woman a pound and off they go, miming away at you. If you
do not give the painted person a pound, they do not go
off and wash their faces and act normal, they are still
there, all painted and standing still, and that is part
of the art. It may well be art, but is fucking annoying
that is what it is, I hate those painted miming bastards.
There is a risk to filming the non-art of the artists as
well, as, artists being filmed "not doing art"
would, by the very act of being filmed, be recording
their decision not to be creative and some bastard would
make that film into an artwork and broadcast it and the
whole point of this Saatchi commision, is to get the
artists off the telly and quietly doing something
absolutely exclusive, and that means for noones eyes or
knowledge except the person who has commissioned the art.
Exclusive things are great, aren't they?. I admire people
with private zoos and menageries, and feel a bit sorry
for people who own famous artworks, because many plebeian
people will know what this picture or scultpure looks
like, there is no fun or gasping when you get people
round to show them your expensive possession and they say
"Oh that is Van Gogh's the sunflowers, I've a poster
of that one myself". With a private zoo, although
the common man may well know what a giraffe looks like,
he has probably not got a poster of your giraffe, which
may have unusual horns or an especially garish pattern on
its hide. No, the very rich need secret, exclusive art,
and if thrown in as a bonus you get that warm, gushing
feeling of doing a public service , then that is a
fucking result, isn't it! Every one is a winner, there is
an exclusive artwork, there are artists working by not
working and the telly does not have Tony Hart and his
like crawling all over it with their brushes and
sculpting tools.
Creating great schemes like this does not come without a
few glitches and it would be important for Saatchi to pay
loads of cash to the artists to compensate for the lack
of turner prizes and stuff and also to make sure they
kept quiet about it. You know what artists are like,
those fruity noncers, they would all go and hang about in
some cafe and talk about not doing art and that would be
an installation in itself, and even if no one saw the
artists talking about being artists not doing art, then
the artists themselves would have seen it, because they
were actually there, participating and watching
themselves not doing the art, and then they could mention
it afterwards and that would be even more artistic of
them. No, the fuckers would need to be segregated, and
Charles Saatchi would probably be best off not telling
Nigella, because women are prone to letting the cat out
of the bag.
Noreen // Emerald Bile
From the Financial Times, excerpts. China Takes Artistic Licence with the World's Masters. China is applying the same assembly line techniques, that have made it the world's leading supplier of toys,clothes, microwaves, ro art. There are an estimated 20,000 painter-workers in southern China. The method:In a large studio above the fish and vegetable market Li Guangqing dips his brush into a blob of green paint. with quick strokes he paints a corner piece of a canvas, then shifts to the left and paints an identical block on another canvas. He repeats this process sometimes 10 hours a day ....Each painter-worker takes responsibility for a certain set of colours or paints over a photograph of an existing workd that has been digitally scanned into a computer. Many paintings are also produced by one person painting the same work over and over again. Still others are manufactured by stamping an impression into a cancas so that painter-workers can paint inside the lines.... Provinces like Guangdong and Hainan produce paintings by the container-load, which are snatched up by wholesellers in HongKong, the US and Europe. (I note
the journalist abstained from using the word
'artist' in connection with this production-line
work JB.editor - also there is this :Michele
Bernstein said that Industrial Painting would
"deliver the final blow to the little
glories of the easel." (Here she was
dismissing the work of Lucio Fontana, among
others.) She continued:"And,
of course, soon no more painters, even in Italy".) |
