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THE HANDSTAND | september 2004 |
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![]() ![]() CLINTON BOOK SLAYS THREE www.borowitzreport.com Editor's Note: Humorous columns, like stand-up comedy, depend on timing and use of just the right words in sequence. Borowitz is an expert and Dandelion has become a fan. There is also genius in being able to turn the mundane into laughter with a sardonic twist, and tragedy, such as the Bush proclamations about WMD in Iraq, into just the right brand of sarcasm that by-passes anger and frustration. Enjoy Borowitz's column below! Memoir Faces Safety Recall in Seven States "My Life," the new memoir by former President Bill Clinton, fell off a bookstore shelf in Portland, Oregon today, killing three people and seriously wounding five others. Hours after the fatal accident, believed to be the first of its kind in the history of presidential memoirs, Portland police were still attempting to piece together what turned Mr. Clinton's 957-page book into an instrument of death and destruction. "From what we can tell, it just kind of tipped off a high shelf," said police detective Mark Drayton. "How on earth anyone ever got it up there is still a mystery to me." While friends of the book's victims held a prayer vigil outside the Stop, Book and Listen bookstore near the University of Oregon, seven western states ordered an "emergency safety recall" of all copies of the lengthy memoir. "This book is more than just deadly boring - it is deadly," said Oregon Governor Ted Kulongoski. ******* In yet another freak accident, President George W. Bush shot himself in the foot today while showing off a pistol that once belonged to Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. Mr. Bush, who keeps the souvenir of the Iraqi strongman in the Oval Office to show to visiting dignitaries, accidentally fired the gun while twirling it on his index finger like an "Old West" six-shooter. The president's foot was immediately treated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center and was said to be resting comfortably. Speaking to reporters after the foot-shooting incident, Mr. Bush said, "This should leave little doubt in anyone's mind that Saddam Hussein possessed very dangerous weapons." hahahahago'onee ya-ZZZZ ![]()
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